Phantom

Locked in this dark and empty corner

Making myself believe I’m alright

Wishing today’s hours be over

And for tomorrow to be just bright

The mind is wandering somewhere else

Trying to flee from this endless sigh

Hoping for questions to be answered

Searching the right place low and high

Longing for warmth this chilly day

The heart cries as it daydreams

Confusion is creeping all the way

Lost in the dark and endless lanes

Reminiscing the bittersweet story

Of a little world once built

Wanting to be confined in old memory

To fade into oblivion and be free of guilt

This recollection is beautiful and ugly

It sends shiver to thy melting soul

Please, one soft touch from the holy

To bring me back to control

Oh why is this such a difficult ride

The track is getting twisted and narrow

Wishing to just forever hide

And vanish with my thoughts in this cold pillow

Locked in this dark and empty corner

Imagination roams far and wide

For when the spirit is full of perplexity

Existence in reality halts for a while.

The Sunday Currently | 09

I don't feel any pressure right now...and it's not true.

Currently I am...

Reading movie plots, novel plots, and the newly-purchased Preview mag.

Writing the Sunday Currently 09, and another poem coming up.

Listening to my roommate muttering something, and my playlist.

Thinking about how fast this year is. I think...too fast that i can't remember most of the things that happened to me.

Smelling coffee...

Wishing and praying for more love and peace and happiness all over the world.

Hoping and praying for good things for all people.

Wearing dark gray shirt, gray pants and gray slip on.

Loving the metro manila film festival entry that i watched today! #guesswhat

Wanting you...yes you, to be good!

Needing some research and practice about drawing and arts. I was asked by a Korean friend to teach her daughter to draw. I kindly told her i'm not good at drawing and there are lots of better ones out there , but she said she couldn't find any art teacher she’s willing to settle for an amateur like me haha.

Feeling pensive. I spent the 24th and 25th at home with my father, brother, and aunt. We didn't observe the traditional christmas practice (which we always don't), but just feeling blue because the house's scenario was the exact opposite of last year. It wasn't crowded and noisy and cheerful as before.

Clicking drawing tutorials on YouTube, Facebook and my playlist.

P.S. Special thanks to our K friend for preparing tteokkbokki today : )

When the power of love overcomes the love of power, the world will know peace. 

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The Sunday Currently | 08

Finally Sunday comes. Nothing like waking up late and realizing I still have more time to sleep. But it's almost over again. After getting my errands and random stuff done, now I have some free time. "Finally i'm going to write." I sit on my comfort spot, turn on the playlist, open the word pad. I place my fingers over the keyboard...but words won't come. That feeling when you have an overwhelming urge to write but suddenly your brain goes blank. Your mind is empty. What to do now? Writing this blog to see if it helps. 

Currently I am...

Reading 

the Inside Showbiz magazine. I've become fond of reading magazines only this year.

Writing 

the Sunday Currently 08, and also finishing writing about last year's family gathering. Just remembered it because this time only 3 people will be observing the holidays at home.  

Listening 

firecrackers? I'm hearing them somewhere from time to time. 

Thinking

about things i miss doing and people i miss spending time with. The company and friends went to the beach yesterday and we sure did have fun. But after that, i'm back to normal. Alone again, stuck again, doing nothing...I miss the family : (

Smelling 

gum...xylitol gum. 

Wishing 

for someone to at least counsel me and teach me what to do with my life. #dependencesyndrome : (

Hoping

that the very few members of the family left at home could enjoy the holidays, and that others all over the world could too. 

Wearing 

capris, gray long sleeve shirt, and running shoes. 

Loving

the fact that we only have 3 days to work this week and finally i will be able to go to my hometown. 

Wanting

some attention. KSP mode on whohohoho

Needing

my heart and mind to be enlightened. 

Feeling 

cold, sad, confused, bored, lonely, scared...

Clicking 

random YouTube videos and Facebook and Listverse

I wish everyone so much peace, love, and happiness!

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friends.food.music.games.beach

Yesterday was an official- year ender with old and new friends and co-workers. The 2 weeks left before 2016 would be for spending holidays with our respective families, kaya sinulit na namin. I love that it was simple, konti ang tao, gloomy ang weather, the place was clean, sarap ng food...ang saya saya no! bwahahahaha

sino ang tunay na baliw?

ay eto, the night before the getaway~ kkkkk

Will be goin home on Thursday to spend time with my father and youngest brother. Yeah only the 3 of us because the mother is abroad and the 2 brothers are away and the sister is with her husband. 

#ToEveryone: Tani masadya and tanan despite everything we're goin through, chill guys! God bless us all. 

pods

why so namit? why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why !

Prólogos

A 29 year-old Cari has just arrived in Cádiz, España. She enters the restaurant where she is assigned to have a presentation the next day. A sudden feeling of nostalgia engulfs her when she hears the song Donde Voy. Her mind drifts back to the early 1990s, when so much happened that changed her life. 

Cari, Addison, and Oliv are best of friends. They enjoy a blissful bond and they are inseparable. One day Oliv's father gets promoted at work and her family has to move to New York. The three are very sad and they spend the last day together at the riverside where they usually spend time after school. They promise that one day they will meet again at the same place and that Oliv's migration won't change their friendship. Cari and Addison exchange letter with Oliv every month. 

One lunch break the two are having lunch. Addison mentions about her boyfriend and says she is pregnant. She is only 15 and her boyfriend broke up with her when he heard about the pregnancy. Cari tries to comfort her and tells her everything will be alright. The next day Addison commits suicide. Cari is devastated and traumatized. 

Cari goes to university and studies Archaeology. One day while having a biological anthropology class, she receives a message that her grandmother died. She is just speechless. Her grandmother's burial is full of agony. She experiences nightmares for months.  

As she is turning 20, she is set to inherit part of her grandmother's fortune and 4 big restaurants that have been running for decades. But first she is required to work voluntarily for a year in one of those restaurants. The Will also states that should she fail to volunteer, she loses everything. 

Few months later her parents go abroad and she is left with her younger brother and aunt. She graduates from University and works at the restaurant. She also applies for a job related to her major but later on she realizes that she is not interested with it at all. 

She now receives her over-all inheritance. Not knowing what to do with her life next, she just enjoys her time. She takes trips, she gambles, and hangs out with new associates and gradually spends the money she has. Without a growing interest for business, she gives authority to her younger brother, who happens to be a chef, to manage her restaurants. 

Oliv gets married and Cari feels even lonelier. Her life seems stuck. She struggles through failed romances, bouts of depression, insecurities and she resorts to alcohol and becomes addicted. She also develops a distant relationship with her parents and she never listens to them. She confides to no one because she doesn't trust anybody anymore, even herself. She gets desperate and her life becomes miserable day by day. 

One late afternoon when she is drunk, she goes to the riverside. She thinks about how her life has become in just a short time. She has means to enjoy but she isn't contented with everything. It begins to rain and she sobs as she walks home. She stops in front of one of her granny's restaurant. She stares at it for a very long time. She remembers that as a child, her granny would ask her to bring tea for their guests and she liked the job very much. Later she decides to study culinary. 


As a student, she isolates herself from others. She is hesitant to talk. As she wanders through the street on her way home, so many things occupy her mind. She wants to release the sad soul that has been pulling her down for a long time. She wants to find  real happiness. She wants to search for the missing piece that seems to make her feel empty all the time. But her quest isn't going to be easy. 

Hull

Some things look easy as pie but when i try, it's just too difficult. What's more frustrating is that, sometimes i haven't even started a thing yet, but i already back out. I can't do it. I don't know how to do it. What would they say if i do it wrong. Because why can't i just get a very simple instruction! So dumb. I would feel very embarrassed if i make a mistake and everybody else finds out. Just how could others do it so easily and with confidence when they look no smart? Hull. I wanna hide. 

The Sunday Currently | 07

Woke up to my alarm feeling dizzy and dozy. It's 3:45?! Ah, unintentionally i fell asleep when i was just leaning on the wall. Woke up early today to take a walk at the park with my roommate, then we visited her foster mother, and we went to a nearby resto for brunch, and then office. I haven't had coffee in the morning, that's why i also have stabbing headache now. 

Currently I am...

Reading 
"What She Wants" by Cathy Kelly. It is a story of four dynamic women facing life’s biggest challenges, achieving seemingly impossible dreams, and forming lifelong friendships. Just purchased it yesterday together with Yes magazine.

Writing 
the Sunday Currently 07.

Listening 
to the sound coming from the air-con and nothing else. I'm in the office now for a weekend class and I'm alone because my friend left for a date with her bf.

Thinking
about what to do after 5:00 o'clock.

Smelling
coffee, and the dominant smell of cucumber in this club sandwich i'm eating at the moment.

Wishing 
for a good and productive week.

Hoping
the finish the movie "Ode to my Father" today. But i think i have to take a nap again.

Wearing 
a brown tee shirt, pants, and brown sneakers.

Loving
the club sandwich!

Wanting
to nap, or go to booksale again, or walk somewhere. What to do!

Needing
money. Hahaha. Or i need to just stop spending. No money, no spending, no problem. kkkkk

Feeling 
a bit fine now. Thanks to the instant coffee.

Clicking 
Facebook and the new Coca Cola TVC coke. Playing it over and over again because the song is so nice!. What is LSS?! So Happy Together!  ♪ ♫ ♬  ♩♪ ♫ ♬  ♩♪ ♫ ♬



How's your Sunday fellows? Next year is 3 weeks away. Enjoy the remaining days of 2015!

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Tama na yan

"...came up remembering the good old days we had..."
"I just miss you. I miss us. But i know we can't fix a broken glass anymore."

Strange...weird...awkward. Every time you send me a message that's how i honestly feel. It's been a while, but it's apparent that you haven't moved on yet. You're still clinging to the past. 

Frankly. We can't be the same friends like before. I can't force my feelings back. I can't fake my emotions. You had been good, but, you became very restrictive...possessive...i couldn't breath anymore. 

Many times i wanted to ask you, what exactly have i done wrong? But trying to answer my own question, i couldn't figure out a reasonable answer. Because i couldn't see anything wrong with "meeting other people", and "enjoying by myself" without you sometimes. You were doing the same and i didn't mind! 

I understood how you felt when you once said 'you're left out'.

I understood you sensed some kind of rivalry.

I understood you thought i ignored you after meeting new friends. 

But you're wrong. I was still there, always there. I still spent time with you while I broadened my social circle. Sometimes i just wanted to be by myself. But you emphasized that friends should always be together. You had a different principle. I had mine. If i chose not to tell you what i was doing, it's my right. You had that right too. But you failed to distinguish the difference between lying and not telling. You should have understood that we each had our own lives and we didn't revolve around the same person only. 

What exactly did you want to happen? What did you want me to do? You didn't answer that, instead you pointed out what i had done that didn't appeal to you.

"until now i can't figure out how our friendship was broken easily and continuously freezing"...

Simply because we are not perfect. From a very small thing, the misunderstanding grew bigger. You hated me. The hurtful words and lies against me got me scared. I didn't deserve that. But i didn't say anything. Because i wanted everything to just stop. I isolated myself because the verbal malice i got was just too painful. I got tired of explaining the same things over and over again. I believed i didn't do anything wrong, but you insisted it's my fault that the friendship drifted away. 

And when i kept silent for a long time you started to keep in touch again. What now? I can't make heads or tails of it. You always say you miss the times we're together, you were hurt, you want to see me happy... I'm telling you, forget about me. There are many people out there you can make friends with. They are much better.

For once, please stop thinking about the past anymore if it hurts you. Stop the what ifs and whys. Let go of bad thoughts. We can't change what had happened. Don't be too hard on yourself. 

I don't want to settle in the past. Let's give each other freedom. 

The Sunday Currently | 06

I don't usually get up at 5 a.m. on a weekend, but i did today. Guess what. After about an hour of brisk walking, I joined taebo for 30 minutes and it felt exceptionally good. But what's more special was that, i saw people setting up a fair at the park! Will i be riding the carousel and Ferris wheel soon?!

Currently I am...

Reading 
the plot of the movie "Perfect Proposal" again and again. I have already watched it but i don't fully understand the whole story. Anyway the twist was really good and Im Soo Jung...is love. 

Writing 
an article for chatabout. I haven't posted anything for 3 months now. 

Listening 
to my phone alarm just now... 
♩ ♪ ♫ ♬  You and I go hard at each other like we're going to war. 
You and I go rough, we keep throwing things and slamming the door. ♩ ♪ ♫ ♬ 
Can't remember though why i set it at this time. 

Thinking
about December 19th. The company will go to the beach! 

Smelling 
my shirt. Is it the strong detergent or fabcon?

Wishing 
to go jogging every morning. Work starts late i could start my day being physically active. *but i always sleep late*. How to?

Hoping
that whatever i plan to do, i could get them done in time.

Wearing 
a red cap, loose white shirt, shorts, slip on. 

Loving
this good feeling for no reason at all. Just.

Wanting
to be a good girl all the time. #chos!

Needing
this oh...

Feeling 
sleepy. As I've said i woke up at 5. Dozing off while writing this blog but i don't want to take a nap because now is also the overwhelming urge to write. 

Clicking 
Facebook and Blogger and Twitter and Gooddrama. 

Oh my gulay...i really feel sleepy now. Have a good weekend everyone! zzzzzzzzz

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The Sister I Never Had

First, let me say, I love you and I miss you. It's been about 2 years since you left as you had to carry out your responsibilities as a mother and wife. Some days, sadness hit me big. You are too far away and I am not just dreaming. Somehow we grew up together but suddenly we're apart. I find it terribly unhappy that we haven't talked for a long time, we don't even write or call each other. Or whenever you call i always hang up because i just can't hold my tears. I'm sorry about that. How it often takes me a long time to compose a message for you, but it takes me just seconds to delete it because i feel like it doesn't make sense. I don't want to bother you.  

You're the sister i never had. My existence has changed forever when you came into our life 15 years ago. A complete stranger and not related by blood, you were among many people who have impacted my life greatly. Today isn't special but it throws back our vivid memories together, all our squabbles and fights,  misunderstandings, our happy and sad and crazy times...all that i will never get tired of remembering. 

We were never perfect sisters. I wasn't always good to you and you were not a sweet girl either, in fact you were actually stubborn, but i never wished we were both good because that would be so boring! You added color to my world. I can't thank you enough for all the things you did for me. I don’t even think I ever did thank you. You know i wasn't the kind of sister you had ever wanted, but you always tried to understand my imperfection. Thank you for everything. If it weren't for you, who knows how long i would've grown up still shy and fainthearted all the time. I wouldn't be me without you. You also made me look into a simpler aspect, for you too are a very simple person. My life wasn't normal like any other child, but because of your presence my life was decorated. 

We don't share the same DNA. But our relationship is beyond what is connected by blood. I am better than you in some things, you know that, haha. But i envy you a lot. You are brave, you are strong, you are good at cooking and drawing, you're never shy, you're confident. You are married and you have wonderful kids. I may be older, but i could talk to you about most things. I'm so proud of you. 

Do you think of me too? The certainty that we will meet again is quite obscure for now. I know your life is not easy, so I pray that you may be given more strength, good health and happiness. Thank you for being a sister and a friend to me. Someday, somewhere, when we get a chance to meet again, let's spend a longer time together. Not only 15 years. 

Slip Away

When I closed my eyes

I felt you right next to me

The soft wind whispered

And I followed your steps silently

As i continued walking

My heart throbbed a deafening beat

Until i couldn't hear your steps anymore

And i had to pause and open my eyes

There you were still in front of me

But you weren't facing me at all

With one big step i moved closer

But you also stepped further away

I tried to reach for your arm

But my hand touched no flesh

You strode quick and fast

And you slowly vanished in front of my sight

 I wanted to say a word

I wanted to stop you from leaving me

I wanted to ask what was wrong

But i was all frozen and speechless

Though you're nowhere to be seen

I struggled for little steps

Because i trusted you so deeply

And i didn't want to just give up 

As i was nearing our secret sanctuary

I let out a sigh and tried to smile

But it was too painful without you

I just bent my knees and cried

Hopelessly sobbing 

I felt you right next to me again

You looked all the same

But it felt like i didn't know you at all

Right then i realized

Something about us didn't seem right

I should have started forgetting long ago

I should have stopped holding on

Apparently we had become strangers from the start

But i couldn't discern

Because all i cared about was my feelings for you

I overlooked how wrong a man you were. 

It took me quite some time

To fully grasp the reality

That some things are not meant to be

But i hold on to this hope, that no pain lasts.

I dedicate this to my once-broken-hearted-friends, Lovely and Beverly.

Chalk Up To Experience

After you walked away

i mulled over for the longest time

for all the things we said and didn't

i thought about them all so deeply

what has happened to both of us?

how could we misunderstood?

why didn't we take time to talk?

why did we believe others instead of ourselves?

there were many questions left unanswered

because we chose to keep quiet...

because we chose to let go instantly...

because we failed to understand...

because we refused to consider...

i wonder if you're wondering too

what if things didn't turn out this way?

what if we acted more maturely?

what if we continued what we have started?

I wouldn't be wondering now

if only we kept our cool and expected less

and if we just accepted our shortcomings 

it's a cliche

but everything will be alright

someday we will meet someone else

and if the same situation happens again

we both know what to do already...