The Sunday Currently | 05

All by myself again on a gloomy Sunday and I like it. Nothing like watching the dark skies and listening to the squall now and then and just sitting down tryin to finish the drafts I've started a long time ago. The past 3 days were quite mentally exhausting, and the following days i guess would be more consuming. Better than not doing anything at all? Yes? Yes.

Currently I am...

Reading 

D. Steel's "Message From Nam". Not yet done with HRH, but i started another novel #ParaSaMagulongUtak. ok

Writing 

this entry. Also writing some poems (shet. feeling poet lng?) Eh i'm no good when it comes to talking, so sulat sulat na lang. 

Listening 

to Seo Young Eun's version of "Snow Flower". This is also the OST of one of my favorite Korean dramas "Mianhada Saranghanda-I'm Sorry I love You'. 

Thinking

about so many things and people and places and days...

Smelling 

PODS? Yeah the snack's name is PODS. Not sure if i'm really smelling or tasting it. 

Wishing 

to finish reading the novels I've started. The stories get more and more interesting but i  a m  s u c h  a  s l o w  r e a d e r. 

Hoping

to get things done before Friday. I have very important stuff to do. secret lng ah.

Wearing 

a cap, blue v neck tee, denim shorts, low cut sneakers.

Loving

the weather and the streets. There are very few people and cars i could walk everywhere. 

Wanting

to go home today, but i'd probably just spend my whole time sleeping there so next week na lng ako uuwi. kkkkk 

Needing

unlimited iced coffee. . . please please please!

Feeling 

just fine! Yesterday was well spent. I finished the 3-day lecture about IV therapy, and had a good time with a friend after that. 

Clicking 

the pictures my friend and i took yesterday. 

Take care everyone. Enjoy your Sunday!

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You feel me?

Sometimes there's just nothing to look forward to each day. It's all the same, it's so trivial, the routine is just sickening. Nothing looks interesting. Everything seems difficult to do that you have to exert such effort doing even little things. It's also hard to decide over small matters and when you finally make one it's always not right. Don't get me wrong. Of course there are so many things I am thankful for. Being alive each day is one. And i don't disregard the people who are always there no matter what.

But I find myself slowly distancing from people, because i fear i'd hurt them. I get to be mean sometimes, through unwise words and careless actions. What adds to the incertitude is that, not being able to find myself and figure out what i really want. It may take a lifetime.

So I'd rather be alone. I'm confused about myself whenever i'm with others because i feel different. I act differently. I am not me...it's all pretense just to belong and fit in. Why can't i just be myself? Why can't i stay the same in different situations?

I feel empty. Everyday life continues but it has no meaning. Everyday i move but i feel like going nowhere. I'm slowly getting uninterested and easily falling out of the habit of doing things i used to enjoy. Truth is, i 'm starting to lose feelings. I'm getting numb. I'm deprived of emotions. Maybe because when things become too habitual, you too become desensitized. That state of being dispirited is just too strong. It's very hard to fight. So i might as well just give in. It's easier this way, and i'll get use to it, or get tired of it and change my perspective.

*thoughts*

Sometimes you should try not to make-believe that everything is okay, because you are just fooling yourself. When you convince yourself that there's nothing wrong, that everything is fine, you are just escaping from reality. Yes it's alright to fantasize, but don't make it a habit because that's where frustrations root from. If you feel sad, feel it to the very core. If you feel miserable, allow yourself to break down and cry. If you feel empty, think that there is something out there that would eventually fill in that sad space in you...just you haven't found it yet.

Feel na feel na feel na feel na feel na feel na feel na feel na feel ko. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe


P.S. There's one good thing about negativity. If it weren't for it we couldn't make an effort for a positive resolve.

Better Late Than Absent

Was in the middle of teaching online this morning when I suddenly got a message from a hospital personnel. He was looking for me and asking if i was coming. Oh my gosh. Today was the first day of Intravenous Therapy lecture! Have i forgotten? Actually, no. I knew well it was today, but i planned not to go.

Last week i registered for the renewal of my intravenous therapy license. But i just told myself, "It's okay not to go. I paid anyway and i'm sure they'll issue my new license." And besides, i'm not interested. But why did i register? Just. Or i could use it for the future volunteer work.

I was caught between working for another job and my real profession. And how fool i was to think that the lecture wasn't very important. I was wrong. The supervisor said I had to attend the whole 3 days of lecture because as a clinical practitioner, it's my responsibility and obligation to do so. Or i could just register again next year and pay again as it is non refundable.

I was in hot water. I couldn't just leave the office right on the spot and without an absence letter that's supposed to be submitted 3 days in advance. But i had to decide quickly. I sent a Skype message to my manager telling him that i had an urgent appointment and that i will just explain everything later. Luckily he allowed me but i have so much explanation to do...as i will also be absent tomorrow.

At 10:18 i arrived in the hospital, 3 hours late and everybody was staring at me when i entered the conference room. But i didn't care. I was so drained and exhausted in so much hurry. I sat on the last empty chair at the back and just listened intently.

Today got the adrenaline rush out of me. I thought, wow, if the supervisor didn't check my attendance and exhorted me to come, then i wouldn't? How irresponsible. And i'd be very unfair to other participants who were there.

sorry na...minsan talaga tinatamad ako...and i'm one great procrastinator : ( Anyway, today's lecture enlightened me, and i realized there are so many new things to learn, that's why attendance is a must! Pag absent ka, huli ka talaga sa balita! kkkkkkkkk

The Sunday Currently | 04

Back into reading again and i just can't seem to put it down...this explains why sometimes i don't want to read because i can't stop. But at least taking a short eye break now to write this blog, and at least this is something I can easily stop doing ~_~

Currently I am...

Reading 
Danielle Steel's 'H.R.H.' Just started it last night and enjoying it so far. Funny that i'm not reading any of the new novels i bought last week, but this one that i bought a long time ago.

Writing 
The Sunday Currently volume 4.

Listening
to Cristian Bautista's 'Captured'. 

"Just one glance took away my breath
Then you drew me in with your tenderness
You captivate my soul, I'm enraptured" ♪♪♪

Thinking 
how my day today could have been if i went home as originally planned. Now tryin to convince myself not to regret, but i miss home...i should have gone home : (

Smelling 
coffee and chocolate cereal. 

Wishing 
for a good and fruitful week. 

Hoping 
to meet my college friends on Tuesday. Just got a message from Felinor that she's meeting Freslyn, and she asked me if i'm available. I'm already looking forward to it though i'm not yet certain of my free time. 

Wearing 
a printed black t-shirt, jogger jeans and brown slip-on. 

Loving 
the fact that i'm beginning to read again. I mean, I always stay up late spending my time on cellphone. It's very unproductive, at least with reading, i'm learning something #charing!

Wanting 
to have a long conversation with my older brother. He sent a message this morning but i forgot to reply. And unfortunately he's offline now, and i don't have enough data to call. Just wanna know how he's doin...

Needing
to separate the novels I've read from the ones i haven't. I have quite a lot in my boarding house, and they're all jammed in plastic curvers. Will do so when i get home later. 

Feeling 
my tightened braces hurting a little. 

Clicking 
Listverse and PEP and Chatabout

How's your Sunday everyone? Wishing you all a great week ahead, filled with happiness and all of the good things in life. 

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Ponderings at 9 am

The other day we were boisterously laughing and screaming like crazy. Our voices echoed on the walls of the corridor but we didn't care about everything and everyone. We were having the time of our lives. There were only us, and the pouring rain outside. It was perfect. We couldn't ask for anything else but only for that moment to last. We were letting ourselves drown in pure and innocent happiness.

Now i'm here in the lobby again, braving the heat of the sunny morning puncturing through the glass walls. The light is blinding that i have to close my eyes. I am alone this time. Suddenly there are acute retrograde flashes dancing before my vision. I'm seeing you. I'm remembering your laughters, your rants, your footsteps, your grinning face. I want to smile back, but my muscles won't move.

Why instead of feeling happy, i'm choking on my own tears. I'm trying to suppress my feeling but it's overwhelming. I can't hold it anymore. I am not sad. I just remembered our happy times. I just realized that once, in my life, there was you. You happened to me and i'm grateful about it. I wonder how things would be like now if they're the same as they used to be. Everything seemed completely fine. We were happy. We didn't bother to think about the next day. But some things happened without our control. They were unplanned and beyond our intervention.

Now this is something to contemplate...

In life, there are instances that are not predetermined, but they happen anyway. There are also people, who we least expect to cross path with but we meet anyway. Whether we like it or not, these two things have either a profound or superficial impact and bring about a change in us. And we are never ever the same again. Whether it's serendipity or destiny or coincidence, these are things a human mind can't decipher. Some would accept, some would neglect. We continue or we let go. I guess the same applies in the nature of friendship gained and gone.

We may never meet again. Accept that there are just things that don't last for a lifetime. But memories are for us to keep in our hearts...forever.

PS. People come and go. They come to teach you, to love you, or to experience life with you. But for some reason they cannot stay.

Toxic Flashbacks

Lately I've been thinking about going to school again. College life *sighs*. How was it? 5 years ago i was this ordinary student who woke up at 5:30 a.m and arrived at school 5 minutes before class, went home at 6:00, and slept at 11:00. The first few months were hard. I always felt nostalgic because i had to be away from home and stay at a boarding house. I also didn't know anybody in class. The very first friend i made was Cristina, an always-smiling-charming-girl, who was the one to approach me first (thank you Tin, i love you). She introduced me to her other friends and that's how i got to have a bigger circle and i gradually became comfortable in class. 

Since i wasn't a good student, i always had a hard time memorizing terms, following simple instructions, and answering analytical questions. Hohoho stupid here~ I remember on the second day of Biology class we were given an exam about fundamentals. OK i died. That was alien. Sure enough i failed. Basically i was dumb and i didn't like Nursing! hehehe. If i were to write everything hard about my student life, well i just can't. Too many to mention.~ 

But that was life, that was not a rehearsal so i couldn't practice everything into perfection. 

So yeah I want to be a student again. And i promise myself i'll be good this time. Echos lang!. I was empty-headed. I wasn't confident. I wasn't smart. Just so-so! So if given a chance, I wish to go to school again so i could showcase the better Rish. I'm older now, i guess this time around I could handle things better, and be a better student too. 

In the midst of this daydream, however, there are flashes of nightmares.

I still get goosebumps whenever i remember those times in our classroom, when all the students were anxiously waiting for the infamous terror instructor, and when she entered the room there was a deafening silence. Her aura was ***something i couldn't explain...i felt like i was running out of oxygen. I felt the hairs on my face sprang up. She introduced herself. We introduced ourselves too. Then we were dismissed. We survived. But everyday was like survival day in her class. 

At the end of every semester we also had deliberation of students. That means whoever did well and did poorly were sorted out, and those who had almost failing grades and poor performance had to consider taking up another major that might suit him or her. In other words, just quit Nursing, it's not for you. Every deliberation day was a matter of life and death for us. 

Many other things made us constantly worried. The exam days, hospital duties, class presentations, post-lecture quizzes (which i really hated), reshuffling of students, projects, homeworks, community immersion, and so on... 

Among the unforgettable and literally horrifying experiences i had were when i first assisted a delivery, operation, circumcision, corpse care, and so much more~ 

Once we were assigned in the delivery room area for the first time. It was past midnight and we're fully awake waiting for mothers in labor. Suddenly we heard an ambulance. It was a direct delivery. So we're fussing about who's gonna enter the DR when my instructor deliberately picked me and 2 other group mates to handle the case. We're so nervous. It's our first time and we didn't know what to do! The mother was placed on the table and we put on our gowns and gloves. The doctor entered and was mumbling something. I couldn't understand anything she's saying because my heart was pounding very fast and loud. Our instructor pushed us closer to the table. My eyes were fixed to the gushing blood. Seconds later the baby's head became visible. The doctor asked for the 'bandage scissor'.

'Wait. Bandage scissor? Which one is it? Why do all the instruments look the same? Is it this one? This one? That one? Wait. Teacher, where are you? My gosh.  My gosh.'

Teacher pointed to it and i handed it to the doctor. Okay. Saved by the bell. That was close to death. 

Delivery was over. The next thing i knew was...teacher hit my hand with the hard metal. Ouch! That was painful huh. I just ignored it but was lil hurt (emotionally) because i believe she didn't have the right to do that ehehehe. But it's okay, i had forgiven her.

Mistakes were inevitable. There was a time I was scolded by another instructor. I was a junior student at that time and we were assigned at a private hospital for our related learning experience duty. So our task was to do what a real nurse does in the real setting: vital signs, medication, nurses notes, bed care, etc. We're in a hurry because the next shift was coming. After getting my patient's intake and output record, I just wrote it in his Chart right away, without asking my instructor first (which we were supposed to do all the time). That was my first mistake. And then, instead of writing down only the amount of fluids he took orally, i included the intravenous fluid. So it looked like he drank 1720 ml of water instead of just 540 ml. Second mistake. Doesn't sound serious? 

It's a very serious matter in the clinical field. All documents are legal. That's where doctors rely their order. One mistake can lead to a lot of trouble and put the patient's life at risk. 

My instructor called my attention. I knew right away something was wrong. 

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

Everybody witnessed that...my group-mates, that staff nurses, MYSELF. I died. Hahaha!!!!!

'What have i done? Why did i do that? What should i say? What should i do? What's gonna happen to me now? What about my grades? Will i be able to graduate? What will my parents say? What what what?' Paranoid eh? 

Embarrassed. Speechless.................................................................................................................

Thinking about those things, my experiences, my life...i shiver...i feel creepy?...yeah something like that. 

Why can't students just go to school and live an easy student life? Why is Nursing and 'the rest' so difficult to learn? Why do teachers have to be strict? Why are books so thick and expensive? Why do students have to wear those awkward uniforms?

I don't know why...but those were the things i greatly miss. I wish to be a student again. Just a wish. 

throwback muna! ^ ^ 

meet Ryan, Me, Mary Cris, Freslyn, and Felinor~

not tired, not sleepy, totally fine~ hawhaw!

when the cat is away, the mice will play! ~_~

P.S. If i could be a student again, i wish to study culinary or criminology.

The Sunday Currently | 03

Sunday is almost over. How fast time flies! True, few minutes later it's gonna be Monday again. Excited? Anxious? You don't know? Me too. If life's progress is like time's pace...*i don't know*... 

Currently I am...


Reading 
articles about Bipolar disorder. Wala lang...naka relate lang jok!

Writing 
The Sunday Currently volume 3.

Listening 
to "The River Flows In you". Yiruma is such a great pianist. Listening to his piece makes my chest so tight it feels like bursting, but it also gives me peace somehow.

Thinking 
to take a walk at a nearby park before goin home. Should make use of my feet and just savor the last minutes of Sunday.

Smelling
apples, and old books ( i bought 3 but no plans to read them)...why am i so lazy.

Wishing
to accomplish something starting tomorrow. I have some small goals in mind. And big ones too. Let's just see which one is achievable first.

Hoping 
that everything will be fine. We hear and read terrible news happening around the world. It's so saddening. The most powerful thing we could just do now is pray.

Wearing 
an over-sized T-shirt and shorts.

Loving 
the people around who make me feel important #feelingera! But really feeling this way since last night. I had a good talk with an old friend until 2 am. Then this afternoon i met another friend and we strolled somewhere. And this evening another friend sent me a message if we could eat ice cream together. And currently chatting with my aunt.

Wanting 
to cry. My aunt just made me realize the most important thing to prioritize. "Go on with your goals, but put God first and you will find true happiness."

Needing 
to STOP spending.

Feeling
full. I drank a glass of milk and i ate 2 apples, just after eating ice cream with a friend.

Clicking 
the videos I downloaded earlier, and downloading some more.

How's your weekend guys? Hope everything's goin well. Don't forget to pray. Good night!

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Before Sunset

T'was a fine day today. Started with a good cup of coffee, some nice articles, and music. Also attended my 'very few' weekend classes. The weather was warm and sunny. I skipped breakfast as usual, and ate lunch late. After eating lunch my friend and i went to the mall. She bought a shirt for her date tomorrow. After shopping we went back to the office. I was reading something on the net when the phone rang.

"Hello! Good afternoon!" I answered.

"Wow! hahaha!" the girl on the other line answered back.

It was another friend. I was just delighted that we kept on laughing at each other. So we went to a cafe and had ice coffee, small talks, and took some pictures.

this? just saw this when i looked up kkkkk

After that we decided to take a walk at a nearby park. It was just good ^ ^...walking, talking, laughing and watching other people around...

Saturday well spent? Well i guess yes. For me, the simpler, the better ~_~

Before The Year Ends...

o m g !!! 7 weeks left before 2015 ends, and still have some things yet to do. They're not really part of my bucket list. They're just things that, out of nowhere, i suddenly thought i really want to do, again. 

First: 

Night out. Maybe a fire Friday with friends at Smallville complex? It's been a while! Missing those times when we hung out til dawn, talked and ate and drank and laughed out loud, and went home at 7:00 a.m the next day. I wish to spend time again with all the friends i used to hang out with before. This may sound impossible, because some of them aren't working in the same company anymore, or some of them just can't stay out all night long because of their responsibilities at home...you know, married life~ and time and distance, etc. But who knows, with meticulous planning and time management this could be possible. Charot!

Second: 

Dinner at a coastal restaurant. When was the last time? 3 or 4 years ago? I can't remember. But i remember how it felt. It was good. It was nice. The peaceful setting, the sunset, the bamboo cottage, the soft waves, the smell of the salty water, the classical music, and of course the seafood! 

Third:

Ferris Wheel! Nobody knows this but the first time i got to experience a Ferris wheel ride was when i was 23. It was at a town fair. My friends thought i was being childish when i pestered them to ride, but they eventually agreed due to my persistent annoying demand ahaha. I was so happy at that time. Well nothing could be happier than experiencing something for the first time. And the second time around? #fairhuntingstartsnow. 

Fourth:

Korean Food Trip. Samgyeopsal, Tteokbokki, Budae JJigae, Haemultang, Galbi, Dalkgalbi, Naengmyeon, Bulgogi, Osam Bulgogi, Daktoritang, Bibimbap, Doenjang Jjigae, Bibim Naengmyeon, Jjajangmyeon, Samgyetang,  Jjamppong, Jokbal, Buldak Bokkeum Myun, Seolleongtang, Kimchi !!! Everything! Spicy! Spicy! Spicy!!!

Fifth:

To visit my Bible teacher. Teacher, i miss you! Thank you and sorry for everything. Teary-eyed while writing this. Been so bad, it's about me, am so bad. I'm sorry that i couldn't meet you every time you text me...many times i ignored your message that i just forgot to reply. Could you forgive me? You're too kind not to. I'm so sorry that i take advantage of your kindness. I still keep everything you've taught me in my heart..that's why i'm very guilty : ( I will try to visit you, soon.  

211 Days Ago

Suddenly missing my elementary friends. Of all the friends I've met, they're the closest and dearest to me, probably because they were the people whom i shared my longest younger life with. I believe 7 years built a good foundation for our friendship. After elementary, we studied at different high schools and universities, but we continued keeping in touch through our private group in Facebook and other means of communicating. What's the use of SNS nowadays? 

We were younger back then, we weren't taking life seriously, we mostly thought about just how to have fun...so upon seeing them again after almost 12 years, i was overwhelmed. We're all grown up! When we started talking, i was just amazed at how their perspectives have changed...to the highest level hahaha. I was listening to mature people. Surely, faces have changed, but some things haven't. They were still sweet, funny and hilarious, noisy, and loving! The feeling was strange and awkward, but at the same time i was very happy. I realized how much i missed them and that I had been unconsciously longing to see them for a long time. I surely felt like a kid again! 

Our Alumni homecoming 112 days ago!

me and my bestfriend ~_~

our humble school

I didn't write about this event before because back then, i wasn't missing them...only now. Hahaha. It's reminiscing time. I have a special connection with my childhood friends, it's like my relationship with them is somewhat different compared to the friends I've met in later life. I mean, I've met people and have become close to them and some time later they just disappeared...out of sight, out of mind? Maybe it applies to them, but not with my elementary buddies. We're separated by distance and time, but not at heart. As the saying goes, 'we always come back to our first love' hahaha charing! First love ko ang friends ko eh. 

Hai, missing a lot of people nowadays kkkkk. I wish to see you again guys...soon. 

Rain Spells

The white curtains are softly swaying with the thin air entering the windows. Now lying on this not so soft bed with a small sheet just enough to cover my feet, and a big pillow to bury my head. This is perfect. I'm listening to the light sound of the rain and deliberately glancing outside the window. I don't know what time it is. The leaves are slightly moving, casting restless shadows on my wall. It's...scary...

Yet though having this kind of strange feeling, there's also an inexplicable peace inside. The soft sound...like a whisper. The motion of nature...like a graceful dance. The tranquility...just what i exactly need to reflect on my thoughts. 

I'm not gonna trade this moment for anything now. I've been waiting for this for a long time. This rain. This alternate noise and silence. This small room. This being alone but feeling complete. Now tossing and turning and waiting. Oh i need to capture this. The beautiful raindrops and the dark skies. The deep green leaves and the wet ground. 

This is pluviophilic. I'm loving the rain. There's nothing more relaxing than its sound. I wanna take a walk. I wanna feel the damp earth. I wanna smell the rainy scent. But this is better, just watching the raindrops, just listening...   

A time like this makes me feel like i'm in the most comfortable corner of the universe. I don't mind listening to the drops hitting the roof all day. I don't mind getting soaked if i take a walk outside. I don't mind if the heaven is this gloomy. 

That feeling when you don't want the rain to end soon. Just let it be for now...for few more hours. And i'm starting to think of coffee...pencils, and food! (anything spicy will do). But my phone is the only thing my hand can reach now, so let this song sing together with the rain...

RAINBOW (South Border) ♪♪♪♪♪♪♪♪

The Sunday Currently | 02

What to do today! My brain isn't working again as usual and i don't really know how to spend my time : ( But as the saying goes: "The best moments are the unplanned ones that just happen but make your day perfect." So let me just write this and we'll see what happens later. 

CURRENTLY

Reading 
a letter in Korean. A friend wrote this to me last year and i actually can't understand it. But i'm reading it to improve my pronunciation. 

paki translate naman hihi

Writing 
the Sunday Currently 02. I skipped last Sunday. kkkkk

Listening 
to Daniel Powter's 'Bad Day'. Playing on my playlist just now and am singing to it. 

Thinking 
about what else to do today. I don't have appointments, no plan to visit my hometown because i was there last weekend, also don't wanna bother ma friends. If this continues, i guess eventually am gonna lose contact with the outside world and *fill in the blanks* ...

Smelling 
nothing...really. Is my sense of smell not working anymore?   

Wishing 
for a sound mind and active body. Why am i here just sitting down when i can walk somewhere and think of something better to do? I'm not tired but i don't have energy. I had enough sleep but i feel weary. My mind and heart are confused. #poorrish

Hoping 
to hear something good, a good news...something like that, or i just hope that everybody's doing well and enjoying life and not feeling how i'm feeling right now kkkkk. 

Wearing 
a check shirt, short pants, and dark blue slip on. 

Loving 
at least being alone now. Of course i'd love to be with family or friends on a Sunday but today it's better to be just alone. 

Wanting 
a good cry. There's nothing to cry for, but i believe it can relieve some heavy feelings and lighten my mood hehehe

Needing
...what do i need...hmmmm... a cup of coffee? 

Feeling 
poor. Literally hahaha! And emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually.

Clicking 
the virtual Korean keyboard. 커피 한잔주세요!

Have a great weekend everyone! 

Join The Sunday Currently link-up by siddathornton!

Throwback

Happened to browse my gallery and saw this photo taken about 2 years ago. Play time with my adopted sister's daughter. 

Tanya! I really really really miss you big time : ( When will i see you again? I pray you're doing fine baby, and be guided by God always. Don't grow up fast! kkkkk Know we'll meet again someday ~_~ Take care! 

*Sighs* Seems like Saturday night'll bring me to tears. 

Lately

Lately I

Life has been full of waiting lately

Of wishful thinking, worries and longing

Something bothers me and I can't figure it out

There’s this kind of feeling I can’t understand.

Feels like I’m not the girl I used to be

Who used to enjoy the very little things

Who loved what’s there and didn’t mind what wasn’t

I never thought I’d feel this way. 

It feels like I’m all left behind

Am all so bored and dying and lonely

Tryna enjoy the present and not to hurry

But there’s this kind of feeling I can’t understand

Feels like I need some cool change

But what or where exactly should I start?

Just thinking what has to be changed is so hard

Never felt more impatient in my life.

Can somebody please enlighten me?

Can somebody help me realize what I want to do?

Can somebody make me see what is beautiful?

Can somebody just stay by my side when I’m all alone…

It’s all over me now, it’s out of control

I’m letting everything happen and I dunno how to handle

Whether it’s wrong or fine I dunno anymore

I just want to escape, I just want to forget.

I’m drifting away and I’m following the current

For this might be the easiest thing to do now

Contradicting my feelings I’ve proven hard

So just let it be, come what may…