The Sunday Currently | 36

Today's thoughts:
1. Friday and Sat didn't happen.
2. The Sunday currently- tryin to be creative. How to be productive?

3. Better be Monday now.

Because nothing much happened for the past 2 days, and nothing much is happening now so i'd better be back on track. I've had enough guilt so Monday come on now.

Currently, it's Eid holiday and I am...

reading
Quiet. And i cannot understand a thing since i've been reading it on and off, which is one of my bad reading habits nowadays. I have a lot of time, i got a perfect silent place to read, and i have really good books, but I just have a really short interest span. I don't wanna force myself, so maybe i should stop for now and start all over again when i feel like it. But i'm reading some History to divert my attention.

writing
in my journal again, which i often do now whenever i come up with a thought or a poem or a blogpost, and i am glad that i get to polish my handwriting with the help of good pens and my nice journal. And i think i'm gonna give calligraphy a try pretty soon.

listening
*to the playlist- which gives me peace.
*to the ongoing conversation in my head- which ruins my peace.

thinking
if the haircut is really happening today. I'm a bit anxious, or excited, or i don't know. So help me God.

smelling
my newly changed pillow case.

wishing
goodness for the remaining days of June. Quite fast, no? We're still on holidays and i honestly wish i'm working- love for routine. And i wish this country doesn't have a lot of restrictions coz seriously this isn't how i'm supposed to be spending the holiday! huhuhu

hoping
everyone's enjoying the holiday. Hope you guys are making the most of it.

wearing
black tee.

loving
the articles about Iloilo (my homecity), and Ilonggos (people of Iloilo). I'm old enough to have known my roots, but honestly after reading various writeups I realized that there's so little i know, so much i didn't understand. And there's a lot more for me to discover so i'm reading everything i find on the net, refreshing my knowhow about history of Iloilo and it's people, (i think this is a good compensation for my disinterest in books).

wanting
ice cream and lollipops and spicy noodles and peanuts. I'm not hungry just craving.

needing
to do something physical! Coz after just 2 days of not being active i feel so lazy and heavy and tired. Move!!!

feeling
satisfied with my new water colors and brushes and oil pastels 🙂.

clicking
articles about ilonggos- check this out:
http://www.myiloilo.net/10-things-you-need-to-know-about-ilonggos/

and Personality traits based on zodiac and blood types 😅.

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The Sunday Currently | 35

How is it that it's the last Sunday of May already! Quite fast yet quite slow... or i am just time disoriented again. What's up?

>The local election in PH- congratulations to my father for being elected as barangay chairman again for the 3rd time around. We salute you for being a good public servant. And to my brother Harry- yeah i just saw his post on facebook "happy 14th", what the h*ll is that hahaha. Kidding. Just be happy bro ❤.

>And I have gone out with friends and slept over for 2 times now. Omo how's my social life 😅. And they made me take Uber alone. How dare you guys. That was at death's door experience! But i got home safe and sound thank God.

>Also some high school classmates who happen to be here in KSA are getting in touch with me. They wanna meet for old time sake 🙂.

>And about work- some days are busy, some are not. Apparently Ramadan has something to do with those slow days. Nevertheless we carry out our duty the way it is- always doing our best for the patients 🙂.

>And i remember it's been one month since the closure of Boracay islands. I haven't been there yet and it will still be closed for the next 5 months so by October it will be open to public again. Hopefully things will improve greatly, coz am thinkin about spending some time at the beach on vacation. If not in Boracay, maybe the family could go somebeach else...

Currently I am...

Reading
the same books. Ah i am so slow ㅠㅠㅠ.

Writing
in my journal- some private thoughts that of course i cannot share publicly, little things, poems, wishlist... And rewriting/ modifying/ updating the blog "What's in your backpack". It has been in my draftbox since last year, and i have added and edited it countless times and even changed some photos. Everytime i see the red word draft i read it all over again and decide that something's not good, something's missing. I don't know exactly when i can finally post it.

Listening
to Moira Dela Torre's "Sundo", "Tagpuan", "Malaya". I've included her songs in my playlist. Nice voice 🙂.

Thinking
that i should spend less time facebooking and sleep more or read more 😢.

Smelling
some faint candle smell?

Wishing
i'm not working tonight but what can i do. hahaha

Hoping
for a good and fruitful and peaceful week for everyone.

Wearing
Shirt, shorts, glasses.

Loving
how bright and natural it is outside. It feels so different that i'm returning home from work at 4 pm. I get to see how nature looks at daytime and even feel the heat of May sunshine.

Suddenly i'm craving for clubhouse sandwich from JD bakeshop in Iloilo City! We used to walk under the sun to JD and have lunch or snacks there. Ah missin the old times ㅠㅠㅠ

Wanting
ice cream! Ice cream! And clubhouse sandwich!

Needing
to get some sleep coz am working tonight.

Feeling
happy. Yeah little things make me the happiest. I got a backpack and 2 books and a pair of earrings from Harry early this May 😊.

*Souvenirs from Egypt i actually got last month from doc.

And this real big 🍭 from doc as well...

You got a big heart! ❤


*And this little girl who approached me saying "look! We have the same shoes!"

*My youngest brother is also a stress reliever. When we chat he makes me laugh, he tells me nonsense and stupid things, he just doesn't take life seriously... i think somehow it's good. Hey Carlo, i'm waiting for your message but maybe not now coz i need to stay away from my phone.

*And when we have time, we eat out at Filipino restos, where they serve pinoy dishes that we greatly miss. Nothing beats what you grew up with- unlimited rice, inasal, adobo, pansit, sisig, halo halo. It feels at home!

Halo- halo

Clicking
Facebook. I hate you now really, so i'll just share my tsc post and leave you forever.


Have a good Sunday everyone! Ramadan Kareem ❤.

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The Sunday Currently | 34

Sunday- the week starter. Actually it's Monday now but whenever i post a tsc on a Sunday, the blog date shows it's one day behind. I don't know why, and this has been an issue ever since but i never had time to find out how to fix it and i think it isn't really a problem so am writing on a Monday so it would show as Sunday kkkkk. Now alloting some time to pen down my thoughts. Solitude is ❤. It's Ramadan and am working on split shifts- 10:00 am-4:00 pm, and 10:00 pm-1:00 am, which works well for me i guess. There's not much adjustment needed because on a regular day, i'm up before 8 and i usually go to bed at 2.

Currently I am...

Reading
4 novels alternately for about 2 months now. Just whichever i pick randomly i continue reading and after a few pages i'd read another one. There's no deadline, but i hope to finish them by the end of Ramadan so i could buy new ones.

Writing
nothing special...or actually small thoughts that suddenly cross my mind. Tis puts my journal into good use.

Listening
to Eraserheads' 'With A Smile' 🙂.

Thinking
that life is kept balanced when not forcing what can't be controlled.

Smelling
fabcon on my shirt and the fresh cup of coffee i'm having now.

Wishing
it's easier to accept things as they are, why they happen, how they happen... I know it's easier said than done, but maybe if we try not to complicate things, everything will fall into place.

Hoping
that whatever the Almighty wills, may it be something the heart has longed and prayed for 🙏.

Wearing
pambahay for now and changing to my work uniform a bit later.

Loving
being able to talk. I mean i guess i'm more open now, i can tell what's on my mind without worrying too much, i could ask without being too anxious, and i could express what i feel. I love how some people make me feel comfortable, how they ask when they sense something's wrong, and how they listen without prejudging ♡. I am still selective to be honest coz i won't open up unless you're someone i trust. But i'm currently surrounded by a few whom i could count on to. I also appreciate it when someone tells me something very private, like a secret, or something very personal. It makes me feel i'm trustworthy too.

Wanting
...a haircut! Like a real verrrrryyyyy short haircut pretty please!

Needing
to declutter. I need a box for the books that occupy 3/4 of my desk.

Feeling
laaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyyyyyyy 😴, or actually sleepy maybe that i just don't wanna move, but i have to leave my bed and prepare for work.

Clicking
Google. Googling just about everything 😅.

Not your ordinary women

●Tell you about my Lola. I remember as a kid i would hunt spiders in her ginger garden. One time I was earnestly searching for the prized insect when she caught me in the act. She looked sooo angry and i was sooo scared that i couldn't move in fear of stepping on her treasured plants and horrified by the thought of being spanked. "Nanay-am" was all i said. Nanay-am means Lola or Granny btw. "Come here", she said. I moved towards her nearly in tears. The next thing i knew i was pulling out grass by her command, she's standing next to me, hands on her hips, and scolding forever. As a kid i thought it was the worst punishment for my mistake, but despite that, my grandmother was the most gentle, loving, caring, selfless granny of all. I could never thank her enough for everything she did for me and my brothers, for all her sacrifices and heartaches, for her endless love... I miss you so much Nanay-am 😭.

●I remember spending time in our old nipa hut, reading letters and christmas and mother's day cards from my aunts in America and Canada. I didn't have knowledge about those places then, i just knew they were far away. But the distance meant nothing for their letters made them feel closer. Mostly they wrote letters to my granny and my father. They would send post cards and photographs too. Those days were really nostalgic. Thinking about how digital the world is nowadays, i think it's still more valuable and meaningful when something is personally handwritten...it brings more warmth and the message feels more genuine. My aunts are wonderful people i could say. They sent us to school, supported our dreams and aspirations in life, forgave our shortcomings, and they continue to inspire us to this day. May we continue the legacy.

●My mother left to work abroad when i was 8. Honestly i didn't care that much because I couldn't understand the situation. She came home after 2 years and it was when i cried so hard. I realized how much i missed her, how i was deprived of a mother. She missed a lot of happenings in my life...my graduation in elementary, high school, and university, my birthdays, my first menstrual period, my exciting experiences, my stories. I had some hate issues to be honest. That was all i thought for many years. It was only later on, in my growing and maturity process, that i realized i missed a lot in her life too. This is a bit heartbreaking. How i failed to make her feel she's loved, to tell her she's wonderful, that she's beautiful inside out. How i hurt her many times for being stubborn, for answering her back, for not asking how she is. How painful she must have felt when she's sick, how lonely she must have been for all these years. How i never thank her for being my first teacher, for working so hard, for enduring sleepless nights. I am sorry for not being your dream daughter 😭. We missed most of each other's life, yet you always make me understand how things are. Thank you for everything and i love you.

●My bible teacher...how are you doing? It's been a while...a long while that i can't remember when we last studied together. I wasn't a good student i know, but you were very good and patient with me. I am sorry that i always made excuses when i was lazy to study, for skipping important meetings, for not replying to your messages. How i took your kindness for granted. You never gave up on me, and i have learned a lot. Thank you for helping me grow spiritually. I hope to see you soon 😊.

●I first worked with Dr. Farah on July 6, 2017, with her british patient for office bleaching. You remember doc? Never mind hahaha. I just find it funny that she is normal and i'm weird and vice versa- we make a good team in this sense ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ. She is a wonderful person. She is cool and highly intellectual and generous. I'm just proud that i know someone like her. Dokie! Thank you for teaching me, for enlighthening me about the things i can't understand, for the advice, for trusting me. There's this personal fact i learned. I think it's a beautiful thing- to come to love your work, not because of interest to be honest...but because of people who make you look forward to it everyday. They give some sort of inspiration, they release such a positive spirit just by their presence... no words, no actions needed. They make you believe in yourself with a simple pat on your shoulder, or just by saying "you can do it". They help you see the brighter side of life ❤.

●To the old friends Anne and Chelsea, who are great mothers to their kids and are sisters to me. Remember the time you tagged me along on your dates, when you allowed me to sleepover when i was so lonely, or when you brought me to new places...i really treasure those moments. Tho we had some misunderstandings and we don't have constant communication, you're in my heart always. Thank you for keeping up with my bipolar periods, for always forgiving me and correcting my mistakes. You guys made me discover a lot of things, you helped me grow socially, you taught me so many things. I miss you.

●Hello Kim! My adopted sister, my friend, my teacher as well. You spent many years teaching me how to cook, but i never learned. I'm sorry about that, but thank you for always trying. You are one of a kind. You are strong and wise, and you are a great sister. You just don't know how many times you saved my life, how you filled what's missing, how you did things for my sake. Thank you so much Kim. See you at home!

Captured

It's a new month! And so I thought about writing a little something, while Ben Lee's 'birthday song' is on loop and i'm organizing the photos in my gallery. Ah memories!- old and recent. How pictures bring a good laugh or a smile!

_________________________________________

this very pretty diary from Dr. Farah ❤

and lollipops too! ❤

Aren't they lovely?

_________________________________________

This shoefie i snapped before i realized i got locked out in the fire exit. And it freaked the hell out of me.

_________________________________________

#Selcaholics 😁. Whatever guys my camera is enjoying it.

_________________________________________

All time favorite! 라면

_________________________________________

@black café.

_________________________________________

Studying the scriptures...

_________________________________________

Life as students...

_________________________________________

Crazy days with old friends...

_________________________________________

Online teaching...

_________________________________________

Missin the beach!

_________________________________________

🎶🎵♡♡♡ 🎶🎵

_________________________________________

It's summer. It's vacation for some and a busy start for others. It's planning, reflecting, or collecting more memories.

It's learning, listening, appreciating...
May this season bring more peace, more chances, more love...and more meaning...

12 minutes past 7:00

No different from the usual waking time but today's unlike any other Saturdays. It's dayoff. And i'm honestly not liking it. Because it's different, it's unplanned, i'm stuck! What to do today?! Imagining myself walking on the hallway, thinking about what lies ahead, or what's up for the day. Normally when i get to the workplace, i would sit for a while and have my coffee, and start preparing. Everything follows smoothly that's why i love 'routine'.

Most probably i'll be spending the whole day today contemplating, feeling all feelings, thinking thousands of thoughts, or playing dead. I want to do a million things but i can't even get out of bed. In contrast i wish to sleep longer but my body is wide awake. Hull.

But seriously i miss doing things. It takes effort to get back to the familiar habit tho. Procrastination almost always wins. I am physically lazy and mentally exhausted and full of excuses. I miss writing. And I am writing now just for the sake of it. There's nothing special or meaningful in the content. I miss drawing, but i can't...or don't know anymore. I miss reading, but nowadays i leave the books unfinished. I miss watching documentaries. But i don't have time! ㅠㅠㅠ

I miss doing things, but when i think about starting again, i find something else to do. My attention gets divided. Sometimes all i need is a big push, a little inspiration, silence, or brain stimulation.

I work on Fridays and i'm loving it. It's when i don't exert extra effort and concentration on anything, because there's much lesser external stimuli. It's when i think and see more of myself. It's when peace and quiet reign. So you may ask why i don't like dayoff. Because it breaks the routine. Okay now we're both confused.

I get tired too of course. But more than physically, i think i'm mentally exhausted. People say i look calm all the time. Thanks to my almost expressionless face, you'll find it hard to guess what's on my mind. But tell you what, there's always a turbulence inside. The turmoil is just too strong it's breaking my heart. There's a lot of contributing factors. Maybe the absence of family, the isolation i feel that i don't know the roots, the unfamiliarity, etc.

Sometimes i think that's just how things are. Stress could be good, it keeps me going. But sometimes i definitely need a break. Like "Wait. Let me breath or sit down or sip my coffee." When things get into the nerves, you experience moral dilemma. You can't imagine how many times i've killed people in my head. That makes me the most wanted virtual criminal in the kingdom.

We encounter everything in the workplace everyday. The randomness. Spontaniety. The people.

It's where we experience new things that widen our knowledge and skills. We learn new things constantly.

It's where we meet patients with different personality and behavior and status.

It's where we work with doctors of different characters.

And it's a place of heaven and hell for coworkers. We can relate and so we find comfort in each other in this regard. Lol

Amidst everything, little things help me get through. Lollipops?- i'm on cloud nine. Corny jokes, presents on ordinary days, random calls, good food, old pictures, memes, bookmarks, short articles from a favorite website, coffee- i'm in seventh heaven.

I've survived the week. Maybe i can survive today too. Not that i'm ungrateful for this dayoff, but i'll try to make the most of it.

See you Sunday 😊.

Meeeee time

It's Friday and i'm having my first day off in decades. The friends are out havin a good time, which gives me a chance to have a good time too. What could be better than being alone, having the room to myself, not needing to rush to work, and just letting things be. Sunday can't wait tho, so i am writing my TSC today.

Currently I am

Reading
...just finished reading Big Girl and hoping to finish Southern Lights today. I am relieved that the friends are away hahaha. I can concentrate and fully understand what i'm reading.

Writing
TSC- 34 and thinking if i should post "what's in my backpack". This is my 99th blog post, so i am thinking what could be a better post for a 100th one.

Listening
to "Like a Dream" by Ben over and over again.

Thinking
about the coming days. It actually makes me feel anxious. I'm thinking about my vacation a lot these days tho it's more than half a year from now. It's going to be my first vacation as an ofw and i just don't have any idea how it is. I mean for sure it's going to be awkward when people show up at home to see how i am, and i will have a hard time figuring out how to spend my one month. I need my mother to plan everything for me omg.

Smelling
coffee. Geeeeee coffee and books and the day off are the best things today 😊.

Wishing
i was going on a vacation at the same time with my mother. She's coming home on the 16th and i envy her! And i feel homesick thinking that she's coming home without me for the second time now ㅠ.

Hoping
the days go by smoothly and lovely and peacefully.

Wearing
a hoody and glasses.

Loving
today ♥. I don't mean i don't like it when friends are around. Of course it's more fun when we're together, but some days i just really need some alone time. I actually told them today i was very proud to live independently for few hours 하하하.

Wanting
to sleep but i'd rather not or else i'd wake up again feeling like my head is going to explode and i'd end up banging it on the wall so we go safe side.

Needing
to plan...about anything...i don't even know...just plan...

Feeling
weird that i'm not working today.

Clicking
Messenger. Just had a good convo with my brother Harry. Everything sounds fine in there, which makes me feel fine in here.