Ponderings

What's cooking? Nothing. If i wasn't in bed staring blankly in space, or travelling back and forth to the kitchen and the bedroom, of course i'd be working in that far far away land. Vacation, for most, means relaxing at the beach, eating out, shopping, meeting friends, family time, rest. Sounds wonderful.

I don't know what it means to me.

I am alone at the moment. When i start to look for everyone, they're just about to go somewhere. How ironic that i got an extended family and yet i'm always alone. Somebody just abduct me!

I've gone out thrice so far which thankfully kept my boredom at bay. But i can't stand staying out for too long, so here i am complaining. That's all about my not so galore vacation haha. I feel i'm too relaxed, but also mentally drained coz i've been thinking about what to do. Oh yeah i'm writing.

Currently thinking about the now, the job, how i balance the social and private life, how i'm trying to prove something, how i picture what the later life i'd like to be. If all these were school subjects, i'd never graduate 🤣🤓. In elementary, when asked what i wanted to be, i said i wanted to be a teacher. Then i grew up and realized that some things were not for me. They're for other people.

It's amazing how we adjust 🙂.

How did i even survive school life! I hated math and english, i showed little interest in history, filipino was terrible, oh i loved pharmacology in college, i was drawing or reading something else when bored during lectures, and attention called countless times- ms. Porcal, sit in front!

My first job was "online teaching"- dream come true! It was not out of the calling, but as a fresh graduate i was thriving and trying to be independent. Which was not easy. So getting that job was just to support myself financially while hunting for a job in the scary world of nursing. Which was not easy too.

Sad reasons to support that:
*You need to volunteer first before you can apply as a regular staff.
*You pay to get that "volunteer job".
*You have zero chance to be hired when the hospital needs 5 and 1000 000 of you applied. Hahaha
*I was the laziest person out there.

I taught online for 4 years, of which from the second year i was also working voluntarily at a town hospital- so basically one paid and one unpaid job. It took me so much mental preparation and self-convincing to start the hospital work coz i was lazy, i was enjoying teaching, and i was lazy. Always. Forever. But doin 2 jobs at the same time wasn't very easy. Teaching during the day and nursing at night. For 2 years. Sleepless. Restless. On my 26th birthday i finally decided to quit teaching, and after a month i quit the volunteer work. A sudden change, but i was already waiting for a go signal from the company i applied a new job for.

It's been 2 years since i got that job. Whenever i try something new, i always never enjoy it from the start. But as i've said it's amazing how we adjust. Now lovin it. Grateful to have it, coz not all people who want to have a job get one. The stress make me live. The people teach me so many things.

I think, whatever makes you happy, you don't really have to be good at it. Just engage in it. Whether it's painting or swimming or photography. Sky's the limit. If you wish to try something new, engaging helps you learn and gives you an experience. Practice this Irish!

I am looking forward to be working again, which i terribly miss, and the coworkers, the familiar place, the routine, the stress.

Maybe bein away for a while means a chance to ponder on things. Just like now. Alone. At home. On vacation.