Surreal

I kept thinking about you last night for no reason, that i dreamed about you then. It was so vivid...still so clear in my memory.

I was having coffee while you were having your warm cup of chocolate. We were smiling from ear to ear. No words. Just pure smiles. I asked "shall we go for a walk?", and you just nodded. Apparently you could not answer verbally because you had Alzheimer's disease. I held your hand and we walked together and you started humming. I put an arm on your shoulder, held you closer, and closed my eyes. Your voice started to fade that when i opened my eyes, i awoke.

Dear Granny,

I miss you so much. It's been over ten years since you passed away. Until now i still have regrets and guilt...for not taking care of you fulltime, for not being a good granddaughter, for not being everything you might have wished me to be, for not being there all the time. I always had other things to do, other things to see before you. I was always thinking i'd come home after tending to other things and you'd always be there waiting.

I miss when i came home every weekend and you're there sitting by the window and you'd clap your hands upon seeing me. I miss when you'd kiss my hair. I miss when we had our warm cups together. I miss when i cut your fingernails. I miss when you'd cry like a baby. I miss when you'd stare at our photos. I miss everything about you. It's hard to remember the last time you were still able to talk, yet all your remaining years you stayed the same sweet and warm granny inspite of being afflicted with illness.

Just like most deaths, yours came without warning. One day at school, a phone call changed everything, shattered everything. You're gone and i thought i will always blame myself for not doing anything to prolong your life.

Granny, I wish you were here. If you were still alive, we've got an endless list of things to do. Gardening, strolling in the woods, coffee harvest time! afternoon naps, and so on. I still feel sad whenever i think of you. I love you so much. See you in my next dream ♥.

The Sunday Currently | 32

Torn between wanting to sleep and write. Was able to write some posts last month but never got to publish them because September's over too soon! And i didn't notice it!ㅠㅠㅠ Where has September gone? :( And now i don't feel like posting any of them just because. Suddenly it's October. It's half a month of wasted days off and free hours again. No motivation. Just stuck imagination and hibernating brain cells. It's sad when you wanna write but you don't have a special concept in particular. Even this patterned Sunday Currently entry is giving me a hard time. How come on some days words come easily. Thoughts go streaming, ideas overflowing... there's an overwhelming urge to put pen to paper. I don't know where the impulse comes from, but you just suddenly want to write down. I am guilty for being inconsistent. And so today, right this morning, i will try my very best to complete one post at least.

Currently, it's past 1:00 a.m. and I am

Reading
articles on Listverse, PH news and current affairs, DIY tutorial, Spanish Made Easy encyclopedia, and Awake! articles.

Writing
this post and yeah i know it's taking me forever but i swear am not gonna sleep until i click the 'publish' button.

Listening
to nothing. Everybody's fast asleep and am having me time in this dark living room.

Thinking
about when to take a vacation. Just recently we were asked to write down a tentative date of vacation, and tho i know i still have a year to go, i think i should decide as early as now. And  the indecisive that i am, i think i should discuss it with my mother.

Smelling
my hair.

Wishing
i was a good cook. First of all I so love eating. If i were good at cooking i'd love every day of my life. It's frustrating to think that whenever we go grocery shopping, the friends decide what to buy...when we get home they decide what to cook and all i do is watch and eat what's being prepared. Wishing one day my siblings and parents and friends would come home to a delicious dinner prepared by none other than Rish bahahaha.

Hoping
to get new glasses soon.

Wearing
pyjamas.

Loving
the presents Dr. Farah gave me! Still in a state of euphoria :D The new journal is just so lovely i am so excited to write in it...using the new pen of course!

Wanting
coffee, coffee, and more coffee!

Needing
to remind myself to stop procrastinating. Daily reminder. Again. I don't know what goals i have these days, but i feel like there are things i'm not getting done on time.

Feeling
hungry? I'll have coffee then.

Clicking
the publish button. Finally.



P.S. Good morning and have a nice Sunday everyone! ♥

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