what to do with life

Finished reading 4 novels in 2 days and it's some kind of an achievement to me since i have been having a hard time getting myself to read again. However I can't at least commend myself. If only 'reading' were a job. 

Yesterday I got rid of the alarm i set 6 months ago. But i still woke up at the same time like i used to. But this morning wasn't the same as the other mornings. Today i woke up without meaning. I didn't hurry to take a shower or bother to prepare my uniform. I didn't have anything to look forward to, except for a long day of endless whining. Today was the second day that I am jobless. Yesterday it didn't really occur to me. Maybe i was denial. I even went to the workplace to see my good friends, or ex co-workers, ate lunch with them, and waited for them to finish work. How crazy was that! 

Realizations finally hit me. I sat up in bed wondering what to do. I want to laugh so hard. I don't want to think about it, or i might go mad. But i just can't help it. So let the laugh come to be. 

Jobless for the first time in 5 years.  It was something i barely imagined. Probably because i was too drowned for work i never gave a thought to being unemployed one day. But it had just happened. I wasn't fired from work. It's just that, my job had to end. I knew it was going to happen. But the past month was too busy and overwhelming i couldn't prepare myself mentally at how to face this kind of loss. I was too occupied with work, documents that i had to process in a rush, a farewell party for a friend who was leaving for UK, family gatherings, an annual feast, countless errands... 

I should have at least looked for a new job but i didn't have time. And i hate that not having time is always an excuse i make. What a shame. Now what am i going to do with my life, with my time. I am disappointed and confused. I am not very sad, i just feel like my situation is crazy. Who in the right mind would waste 24 precious hours in a day doing nothing. I was always looking for something to do on my free time. Now i don't only have the free time, i also have all the time in the world i supposed to use in so many productive ways out there. But here i am again, i just can't seem to think of what to do.