The Sunday Currently | 26

While i was physically and mentally at my busiest last month, September seems idle to me. It's my favorite month yet I feel like I didn't start it right. Just the past days were too fast and it's the 2nd Sunday already. I feel guilty that I haven't done much, aside from reading, because I have enough time to get lost in books given that I am jobless. I'm always thinking of doing something else, which is my biggest problem in life. Yes, my biggest problem is that I always don't know what to do. My precious time, oh : ( I don't like to think that this month would pass without making it at least good and memorable. I don't know where to start, and I feel foolish for always hoping that something's gonna happen and make everything alright. I'm always waiting, that's foolish enough. My mind is full of thoughts...of everything. I kinda have this strong belief that one day I will go crazy because of what i read. Reading makes me cry and laugh and feel literal pain and amusement. It makes me fantasize about teleporting from the present back to the 17th century. It makes me feel i'm one of those characters or I am the writer. 

Back to sanity, I wish to make up my mind about whatever needs to get done. Of course I don't know what it is. Hopefully I can figure it out in time. I hope soon...

Currently, I am...

Reading 
"Just Breathe" by Susan Wiggs.....♥♥♥

Writing 
The Sunday Currently volume 26... I'm also writing a resume...whatda~

Listening 
to Wake Up (Coheed & Cambria).

Thinking
about tomorrow. It's Monday again. What's the best thing to do first thing in the morning?~~~

Smelling 
bread and a faint smell of spray.

Wishing 
this week would be good to me, and that I would be good to it too.

Hoping
that nobody would remind me of whatever is annually reminded on the 18th.

Wearing 
shorts and faded v-neck, and a yellow green-soled slip on.

Loving
the books that i'm reading these days...

and loving and hating the fact that I can go to bed at 4:00 or later than that, and that i can get up at 12:00 or later than that. My body clock hasn't adjusted to this new pattern yet coz i still automatically wake up at 6:00, but good thing is i can easily get myself to sleep again. 

Wanting
coffee, the only thing i can count on to at times like this. 

Needing
time. I don't know why the hell I need time when I have all of it! I don't know what I need the time for. I can't understand. Just slap me. 

Feeling 
stupid. 

Clicking 
Facebook and DIY videos. 

4 a.m. knows all of my secrets. ©

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what to do with life

Finished reading 4 novels in 2 days and it's some kind of an achievement to me since i have been having a hard time getting myself to read again. However I can't at least commend myself. If only 'reading' were a job. 

Yesterday I got rid of the alarm i set 6 months ago. But i still woke up at the same time like i used to. But this morning wasn't the same as the other mornings. Today i woke up without meaning. I didn't hurry to take a shower or bother to prepare my uniform. I didn't have anything to look forward to, except for a long day of endless whining. Today was the second day that I am jobless. Yesterday it didn't really occur to me. Maybe i was denial. I even went to the workplace to see my good friends, or ex co-workers, ate lunch with them, and waited for them to finish work. How crazy was that! 

Realizations finally hit me. I sat up in bed wondering what to do. I want to laugh so hard. I don't want to think about it, or i might go mad. But i just can't help it. So let the laugh come to be. 

Jobless for the first time in 5 years.  It was something i barely imagined. Probably because i was too drowned for work i never gave a thought to being unemployed one day. But it had just happened. I wasn't fired from work. It's just that, my job had to end. I knew it was going to happen. But the past month was too busy and overwhelming i couldn't prepare myself mentally at how to face this kind of loss. I was too occupied with work, documents that i had to process in a rush, a farewell party for a friend who was leaving for UK, family gatherings, an annual feast, countless errands... 

I should have at least looked for a new job but i didn't have time. And i hate that not having time is always an excuse i make. What a shame. Now what am i going to do with my life, with my time. I am disappointed and confused. I am not very sad, i just feel like my situation is crazy. Who in the right mind would waste 24 precious hours in a day doing nothing. I was always looking for something to do on my free time. Now i don't only have the free time, i also have all the time in the world i supposed to use in so many productive ways out there. But here i am again, i just can't seem to think of what to do.