Waiting

In my head, I am always miles away. I am always yearning. The thought makes me weary, and i easily give up because i think i am not capable of going through a long journey. I am always waiting to be someone and something else, and I've been waiting for so long. But thinking that i am not exerting an extra effort to materialize my thoughts makes me feel miserable, for i know that waiting without doing anything won't make a difference in the end. I have always wanted to be like this and like that. I have always wanted to do this and that. But my mind is always not clear. I feel like i am so directionless and action less. Nothing is ever accomplished and i am always in the same place as I always was. I have so many things in mind all the time. So many that i feel so confused and i don't know where and how to start. I could be optimistic. But i could be really really pessimistic too. This is something i have always been trying to deal with. 

Sometimes i think my real life hasn't begun yet, because i am still finding it. I think real life begins when, one day, what i have been waiting for will finally come...what i have been dreaming of will finally come true, what i have been wanting to be will finally happen. It has been years that feel like centuries. 

But sometimes too, as i wallow into the depth of my thoughts, i ask myself: "Doesn't real life mean waking up everyday witnessing the beauty and ugliness of the world, preparing and eating breakfast and going to work, feeling the stress and enjoying some free time, experiencing traffic and bumping into strangers on the sidewalk and hearing vendors gossip?" 

But there is something else that i want. And i don't know what it is. That is why i am waiting. Sometimes i think it is just a matter of changing my perspectives. Perhaps i should try to simplify my complicated thoughts, so i could find happiness right away. With my life passing day by day, i feel more and more melancholic. I'm tired. But what right do i have to complain when i'm not doing something in the first place? 

And the big question is: "What if one day the moment that i have been waiting for finally comes, will i be ready?"